it's months later since i finally realized a new year comes.it was a short while when i was about to turn around and look my back site, a year has gone.

     i can feel the bitter cold just penetrate me, i can see the winter drags its feet and shuffles across me.it is the very beginning of my 2009.

     it is some dissipating feelings about 2008 i cant regain

dec 10th  with beatiful sunshine

从小学老师就教育我们，写文章要三要素齐全。现在回头去看看，却都是没头没脑，成天价的痴人说梦罢了。

我从来都认为自己是个俗人，最爱见到的是一百元上的毛主席头像，我俩对视，他笑我也笑。忙了一年。衣服都累瘦了，心里算算今年上缴国库的银子怕又是不够了呢。

最近看到了一处房子，地段牛！户型牛！价格牛！看了心头痒痒，怕又是一赌气一跺脚就冲动了，这人那天下之大到处是诱惑啊。一面却也在安慰老头子，要淡定淡定。

公司僧多粥少，主管们一个个愁眉苦脸，到处找米下锅。我却在恶狠狠的想，什么时候才能倒闭，大伙分家散伙，岂不快哉。

 

 

 

Dec .4th. bitter cold

     i was cycling along the streets to my office when the wind was rushing through and penetrating my lungs as well as thounds of needle piercing.i coughed badly.

     rumor around the desks is talking about the bankrupted companies in the neighbourhood also the bailout plans in our company. i dont mind.i do do not feel easy with my work,someone wanna squeeze the last inspirations out of my mind and bring me my collapse.ppl stay low even they wanna talk sth,they cautious coz they wanna keep their postions.we are all running for some tangible achievements i dont mind.

     as long as im not deviating my orbit i dont mind,i follow myself.

    

      最近屡屡抓狂的想要发飙，却在一边对自己吹着冷风，要淡定淡定。。。大冬天的。。。

      每天马不停蹄的对牛谈琴，却还要绞尽脑汁想辄，如何能谈的让牛能听的更明白些。叹那，这浅显的道理想必几千年前的老祖宗也明白了，难怪战国策里面伯乐也偷偷说了句，卧槽泥马尔。算了，多了不说也罢。

      巴菲特说了：在别人恐惧的时候你要贪婪。金融危机的好处是，我也贪婪了，因为超市的猪肉便宜，也可以经常打打牙祭了。隔壁工厂倒闭了，所以平常吃完饭看到的那些晾在楼房外面的花花绿绿的衣服也没有了，寒冬的冷酷挟卷着这滚滚的萧条来了。。

      还好，昨天买了件棉袄，挺暖和。

     

拈花有意风中去，
微笑无语须菩提。

念念有生灭四相，
弹指刹间几轮回。

一花一念无量劫，
大千俱在一毫端，

我纳须弥入芥子，
明悟四谛证涅磐。

   anyway,time is always something  never be paid attention often.it skiped and i was skiped as if someone press the buttom

     IM TOTALLY A  FREAKY SCUM HIDEN IN THOSE SO CALLED NORMAL PSYCHOLOGICAL THEORIES.

MAYBE THE INBALANCE OF THE HORMONE WAS THE REASON THAT I WAS SO RASH AND ASLO  RESENT TO THOSE HYPERCRITICAL AND TROUBLESOME GUYS WHO I GET TOLERANCE ACCOMANY BEFORE...

     IM RELUCTENT ,LAZY TO THE BACKBONE...WOW....

    

      thoroughly just i feel the last few strength of the body was pull out.it was felt like cold water was poured in may veins.something was penetrating and pressing down the gas pedal after me.put myself on the accelerator i started to run insanly...

      i have to make a drink and rest my head on the key board

 

   其实发现自己真的定不下心来，当所有的事情蜂拥而来，便烦躁的想要发飙，以前那个镇定的自己哪里去了？

   电脑莫名其妙的崩溃，就像毫无由头的梦境，上蹿下跳了。花了好久的时间回复起来，只是很多东西都丢失了。

   日子过的稀里糊涂，貌似这是种危险的情况，人最容易在这些可有可无的事情里消沉掉。哈。就让它消沉掉吧。我想应该是积郁的深了，爆发的也更猛吧。

   最近发现思维有枯竭的预兆，莫非是第一个瓶颈的到来？也许是重复劳动做的太多了罢。

   生活四平八稳，缺少了很多激情，陷入到大多人的循环里了，那是不敢想象的。我又要出逃了、、、

the title came from a movie's name ,radomly used

i decided to reboot my life after abort myself so long time.

i feel nothing ,im a body without mind in it,like a man without shadow,a living ghost.an obsolete machine.

everyday,evey time,ppl came and ppl went,everything was running regularly,i was spinning in my own story i weaved.

there seemed be an invisible hand pushed me out and yank me back. i was addictive but i cant tell it.

i have no idea

菩提本无心

明镜亦非台

本来无一物

何处惹尘埃

 

    a close friend of mine is now still inside of the territory where the disaster occured,im now thounds miles away,eyewitnessing  so many lives had been taken away from their families ,their lovers.my tear all floods out.

    when i saw the pictures from the front,i can feel my heart twinging & breaking with the refugees,when i saw the pictures of the dust covered schoolbags,i dunno why they're here,but i know that they were connected to some innocent and carefree lives several days ago........

     but now they are left.....as some monuments.... nightmare inside the abyss of the survivors,were never wiped away

     buildings  collapsed many kids were buried ,so many sore faces,so many desiring eyes,so many moaning parents,the time was freezed at that time.

    life the fragile,but mind cant be destoried,pary for their safty and their reunion

 

朋友在四川德阳还有绵阳，联系了一夜，没事。。。。都冲去救人，现在才明白生命可以这么轻易得就被碾碎。。

高惠君 12:42:03
目前解放军水路第一批冲锋舟出发后目前和指挥部失去了联络,行踪不明
　　　　
第二批冲锋舟已经出发
高惠君 12:42:15
15军伞降部队已经在路上了，很多人都写了遗书。  
高惠君 12:43:42
15军，这是15军啊！
我想也许这里的人不知道15军的意义，他是中国空降第一军，是中国最先拥有重型装备空降能力的部队，里面出身的全是最顶级的伞兵，国家用了多少的力量去培养和训练他们。
也许他们空降的确有最大的机会成功，但是在这种情况山体情况下空降，这简直就是在赌命

2008年5月13日上午有记者在都江堰市通过QQ做现场直播。

10:07:29 现场简直不能看了。

10:08:33 年过花甲的总理已经哭得不成样子了。

10:10:16 刚刚挖开的地方又塌方了。

10:11:24 这倒霉天气还在下雨，现在一线的军人已经被下达死命令，必须冒雨解救。

10:15:21 汶川的交通完全封闭了，现场到底怎么样我不知道，不过早上总理指示军队不管有多大代价，必须进城。

10:16:03 倒霉天气在下雨，飞机几次都不能降落，伞兵马上就要起飞了。

10:17:36 飞机在汶川空投物资了。

10:20:06 被压在废墟下的300多学生现在很危险啊，刚才一次的营救又失败了，现在总理在现场组织再次营救。

 

10:20:47 啊，总理摔到了！

10:23:39 突击队又上了。

10:25:04 如果你现在看见老爷子的样子，你马上就会哭的。

10:26:40 老爷子的手臂受伤出血了，他把要给他包扎的医务人员推开了。

10:27:09 好消息，发现一名学生了。

10:28:00 总理跑到塌方点了，在帮忙呢。

10:28:33 拖出来了，医生在抢救。

10:29:42 现在还不一定，这个看样子还活着，吊瓶氧气都挂上了。

10:31:06 啊，又塌了。

10:31:28 突击队一个人被埋进去了。

10:31:40 等等，我到前面看看。

10:36:24抢救出来了。

10:37:16 最新消息，彭州被困的10万群众危险！

10:38:49 由于大雨的影响，工程兵几次架桥失败，附近已经出现泥石流迹象，电话直接是叫通总理的，情况很危险！

10:39:19 由于桥梁倒塌，彭州市10万群众被堵在山中，救灾人员和物资无法运入。已经出现泥石流迹象。

10:41:11 总理电话里大喊，我不管你们怎么样，我只要这10万群众脱险，这是命令。他把电话摔了。

10:41:33 头一次看见老爷子这么厉害。

10:43:54 汶川最新消息，雨开始小了，空投物资已经扔下去了，空降兵已经在外围机场登机了。

10:45:19 现在所有的国外记者都在关注号称中国最精锐的特种部队首次公开亮相。

10:46:50 总理现在和登机部队领导说话。

10:47:41 总理说，我就一句话，是人民在养你们，你们自己看着办。

11:34:40 最新消息，汶川的映秀、漩口、卧龙三镇通讯信号很弱，至今也无法联系。估计三镇有将近两万多人被困，余震不断，大雨连绵，情况非常严峻，由于能见度太差，无法判断准确情况。总参命令，当空降部队到达汶川上空时，如果条件不允许，就不惜代价强行伞降！    看后心情格外沉重，控制不住流泪了……

   it is pretty long since the last time i placed myself here..

   no time to watch back..i can not even understand i really went through,that,s truth,im exhausted & week,after experiencing so many difficulties.

  it is wild here,as if a grassy desolate island.sth was sprouting deeply inside me.stiring those feelings together.i was supposed to be a single rather than placing a face with things i cant handle.

  i was walking along the line of the lamps with my shadow flickering around,as if turmoil set off a hurrican inside me but peacful outside.

  ---------------

strongly recommend a track from alan(阿兰·达瓦卓玛）明日への讃歌

 

     打包收拾东西的时候，才发现有各种各样应该记得却总也想不起来的物件，一股脑的跑到你眼前了。。。喜欢吃却又忘记了吃的糖果，到处找却似乎永远看不到的病历。。。这样的时候这些原本已经属于自己的东西，却让我有了意外收获的感觉，自顾自的得意着，着实可笑的很那。

     看看自己的日程，发现很多事情都堆在了这半个月里，也好，不给机会让自己胡思乱想了。记得很久以前，自己下辈子就想当棵树，而对此的解释是，这样没心没肺的挺好。倘若真能这样不用劳心劳神的活着，随便要我什么都愿意了。

     现在人都喜欢逃避，然后莫名其妙的矫情。其实我也不是什么空前绝后的人物，厌恶大道理。

    

     不同的是，人不会一辈子都这样，这少我不会。

     if u have ever tried 'black hawk down'u will know that.by the end of the movie Hoot told Eversman...

     when i go home...and ppl ask me:

     "hey ,Hoot why do u do it,man?why?u some kind of war junkie?"

     i wont say a goddamn word.why?they wont understand.

     they wont understand why we do it,they wont understand it is about the men next to u.

    and that's it,

    thats all it is.

    

i just wordless.

 

tomorrow comes and yesterday past,the left might be blank,im stunning even with the plain life.everyday goes within a line,come back and forth...when i step in my last footprint,i cant even remeber when i printed it.

life is long,even it is scary longer waiting only with myself. i can see my shadow extend into the darkness and dead in the light.im on a roll just waiting to be pulled out.

im machinelike alive as if ppl do in the same way ...might for a glimpse to this world

the olds were flooding into my head,twisting and smashing.the truth crashed in my sight...

im weak with my body gesture never changed,trying to figure out things meaning less to me...

the olds are getting elder,so i am.

 

   just signed a contract with the landlord of our new apartment and cashed the rent.

   be gonna buy a V8 to take place my current SE,it 's time to be retired my old buddy.

   under some kinds of spirital pressure,it broke my biological-blance of my system,maybe it is the time of running over.